I always say, but it bears repeating, that as a parent, you should trust that you know your children's strengths, how they learn, what they need and in general, what works for them. Believe in your innate ability to parent, and have the confidence to act on what you perceive as the best choices for your child. It's easy to be persuaded that others - the medical experts, teachers, other moms - know best. Perhaps your friends do have some secret insight into handling tantrums that you don't have - but maybe they don't. And even if they do, it's possible that you simply don't have it in you to enforce time-outs or explore unconventional medical treatment. That's okay. It's as important to know your own strengths and weaknesses as a parent as it is your children's. Be confident in what you know, and forgive yourself for the areas in which you fall short. Though it's post-Thanksgiving, gratitude is always in season. While as parents we all feel grateful for our children and regard them as blessings, don't forget that you are blessings to your children, as well.
I would love to hear from you! Please forward your questions and quandaries to: pwolf@nykidsclub.com.
Have a great week,
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My 9 year old son was recently diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. His doctor is strongly recommending medication. While I know you are not a doctor yourself, I am curious as to what your thoughts are with regards to medicating children. Thanks! I'll reiterate, first, that I'm not a doctor nor a psychologist, so these are only my observations and opinions. In my experience, I've seen parents leaping quickly to medication without giving other things a try, perhaps because these other avenues - which might include nutrition, eliminating television and video games, or other lifestyle changes - require a lot of effort and patience on everyone's part and the results may not be as immediate as with a pill. There are respected doctors who believe in trying other kinds of therapy and I would urge you to at least consider them. (http://www.allkindsofminds.org/, www.parenting-child-development.com/ritalin-alternatives.html) More than a decade ago Ritalin was introduced, and many teachers say it changed their lives because it helps students focus. Yet, I've also seen kids whose personalities changed drastically once they started Ritalin, and because they are aware of this, their self-esteem is adversely affected. If you've tried everything and it hasn't helped your child, then ask for the mildest form of medication. Be prepared for trial and error. One medication won't necessarily work, and you have to wait out the three weeks or three months to see the results. You are the parent, and whatever route you take, trust that you will know what's best for your child.
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My 17 year old daughter has suddenly decided she wants to forgo college and start her own jewelry business. My husband and I both work in academia, and as you can imagine, are beside ourselves with concern. We have a close relationship and I know I could ultimately "force" her into freshman year- what are your thoughts on this?
I think it's crazy. If she wants to defer college and take a gap year to work in some jewelry manufacturing place, that's fine. She'll realize quickly that, without a college degree, she's not going any further. However, anyone who's considering business needs a business background. She could be the most talented jewelry designer in the world, but a failure at business. Some gymnasts open businesses, but even though they may be able to do a double flip on the trampoline (which I can't do), their businesses fail because unlike me, they don't have the business skills they need to succeed. In your daughter's case, you might impress upon her that college is one of the best marketplaces to try out your ideas. What better way to help pay for college tuition than to sell jewelry to your friends? You don't have to pay for office space - your dorm is your office. When I was 20, in one of my art classes I dribbled paint down a sweatshirt and wore it around. When others were interested in purchasing them, I made them one at a time, and started selling my one-of-a-kind, hand-painted sweatshirts, sweatpants, and hair accessories. I thought I had a real business, and so, looking to expand beyond the college campus, I took a booth at one of the indoor markets in Boston, an expensive proposition for me back then. I borrowed money to buy the sweatshirts, and worked my butt off painting 500 sweatshirts. I never sold ONE sweatshirt! For years, as a joke, we wrapped the T-shirts and put them under the Christmas tree. Your daughter needs to realize that being able to go to school is a gift and is an opportunity to build a foundation for her future. You're not sentencing her to four years of hard labor. Hard labor will be her twisting the wire in the backroom ten years from now without a college degree.
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I participate in a class with my 18 month old where half the time is spent in the classroom and half the time in a mini-gym area. My son loves the gym portion of the class, however, shows absolutely no interest in following the group in the classroom. I leave exhausted after chasing him around the room to encourage him to sit at the table and participate in rug time. The teachers keep telling me to give it time. We are in the eighth week of the semester. Should I stick it out or revisit a classroom class when he gets a bit older?
Are you leaving exhausted because of your own physical exhaustion or because your child isn't doing what he should be doing? It sounds like you're getting anxious, and I advise all moms not to get stressed out because your child isn't as interested in one aspect of the program as the other. There's something in these classes for every child, I think, and by no means should you compare your child to the ones who sit for story time or hold a cup or use a crayon better than yours. You don't have to chase him around - sometimes, chasing him becomes a fun game. Try to stay in the correct position during class yourself, and see if he eventually catches on that you won't chase him and that it's more fun to take part in the program. I well remember taking my son to a music class and he would get up, go to the door and shake the doorknob. I would just look at him and say, "No, I'm not going out." One day, he shook the door then came over to me and handed me the doorknob. Maintenance had to come and get us out. If your child can actually break out of the classroom, maybe you shouldn't stay! Otherwise, if he is basically having fun and seeing other children, then keep doing it.
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