If there is one common thread that runs throughout the questions I'm asked by parents, it is communication. Talking to other parents, or ones own parents, about a sensitive subject, talking to a nanny, to your children or your child's teacher, reaching out and having a conversation with potential new "mommy" or "daddy" friend...I continue to be surprised at how hard it is for so many of us to have discussions that need to be had. So a gentle reminder to everyone - go ahead, just spit it out! The long term benefits of an honest conversation or interaction are well worth an temporary discomfort.
I would love to hear from you! Please forward your questions and quandaries to: pwolf@nykidsclub.com.
Have a great week,
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I am the first of my group of close girlfriends to have a baby (Chloe, born November 1st) and feel as though my friends have written me off. They seemed so happy for me at first, and now don't even bother inviting me out "assuming" I must be busy with mommy duty. My husband is suggesting that I make some new "mommy friends." Any tips on where to go and what to do?
First, congratulations on the birth of your baby! I, too, was one of the first to have a baby and also felt resentful that my friends didn't want to spend time admiring my new baby with me. Now, though, I realize that when you have a baby, it's not another chapter in your book; rather, to reiterate something I always say, you might be closing the old book and starting a new one. You want new characters to populate this book? Just sit on a park bench. That woman nursing her baby? She's also looking for a new best friend. You might want to sign up for some kind of mommy and me classes, not only to provide your baby with new social contacts, but for you as well! Check out parenting magazines and newspapers that list various classes and activities. Just as college brought you together with a diverse group of people, this baby will serve to connect you to people you might never have otherwise met or been interested in - for better or for worse!
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What do I get my wonderful wife and mother of our 3 beautiful children for Valentine's Day? We usually just have a nice dinner, but I want to do something really special this year. Ideas?
In a word, jewelry. However, if you have your heart set on doing something special, I can tell you that the most memorable Valentine's Day gift was when my husband and kids divided up tasks and made a Valentine's Day dinner, featuring heart-shaped brownies, heart-shaped pasta, and a salad with heart-shaped cucumbers. They got an A+ for effort. I didn't grade them on quality. I also love Valentine pajamas (not lingerie, it's February and cold) with the big red and pink hearts. But honestly? Jewelry.
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I am not a fan of my 17-year-old daughter's boyfriend. I have no tangible reason not to like him- I just don't, and believe mothers can tell sometimes when a boy is not good news. Should I give my daughter my honest opinion or keep this to myself and let it play out until I have some evidence that it is an unsuitable match?
I'm a firm believer in offering an honest opinion all the time, and as a mother, I don't need tangible evidence to support that opinion. Even more than talking to your kids about college and drugs and grades, it's important to have ongoing and open communication about the kind of partner you expect them to choose. That choice is far more important than any other choice they will ever make. At the risk of temporarily alienating your daughter, I would tactfully and with concern share your thoughts with her, with the underlying message being that you care too much about her to allow her to risk a potentially negative influence. She may disagree but at least she's heard you, and you've had the opportunity to remind her of the qualities she should look for in another person. I wouldn't let it unfold and let her figure it out on her own. I wouldn't let my child figure it out if he or she were drinking too much, eating too little or experimenting with drugs- so I'm certainly not going to stand aside and take the chance that all of the work I've done to raise a confident, emotionally stable, happy child is jeopardized; by anyone or anything. | |
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