One of the most popular competitive sports in New York City is measuring. Measuring yourself, your husband, your children, your caregiver, your dogs, your life - against others'. In this sport, there are no winners, but lots and lots of losers. Whether you're judging your nanny's playfulness, your sister's parenting skills, or your own ability to be supermom, taking everyone's measure takes a lot out of you. If you're going to measure anything, measure kindness, and don't bother keeping score. And remember, you can also opt to sit on the bench for this sport.
I would love to hear from you! Please forward your questions and quandaries to: pwolf@nykidsclub.com.
Have a great week,
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My sister has two children very close in age to my own (15 months and 2 years) and we alternate watching each other's children each Saturday morning for some much needed "mommy time." Now, I love my nieces, but they are absolute terrors when they come over. They hit, scream until they get their way with food or TV, and last weekend, even colored on my dining room curtains. Yet, when my sister asks how everything went, I always say, "Great!" as I do not want her to think I can't manage 4 children well at one time. Plus, I look forward to my own "mommy time" on Saturdays! Should I talk to her or just grin and bear my commitment at this point?
I really don't think you can say anything. You risk damaging both your relationship with your sister and the cousins' relationships. Trust me, these children will eventually outgrow these things, and then you'll be sorry that you said anything. When our cousin's daughter came over she would stand on the kitchen table and switch the lights on and off continuously driving us all crazy! Now, she stays with us for a week at a time, and is a quiet and lovely young lady. It would have been horrible to have burned my bridges because she was so rambunctious. Take preventive measures, keep the crayons out of sight, and maintain your own rules because it's your home. Unless their behavior is dangerous or damages your things, let it go. The curtains can be cleaned. The relationship between siblings, cousins, aunts and nieces isn't so easily repaired.
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| All of my friends have nannies who are teachers, and do flash cards and teach the kids French. I do as many activities with my two-year-old as I can, but his nanny is a sweet, plodding lady who loves him but doesn't do too many educational things with him. This frustrates me, but he's so clean and cared for, that I wonder if the other really matters. Should I look for a more stimulating nanny? What is really key at this age in terms of nannies?
To have a stimulating and creative nanny is very nice, though not necessarily one wielding flash cards - there are plenty of those in third grade. It's not too much to ask that she pique your child's curiosity through games at home or interesting outings such as a children's museum. It's your job as the employer to give direction including creative ideas for activities, and to train her. Perhaps make a short list of what you expect her to do every day rather than rely on her to get creative and make the rule that there's no TV or electronics or computer when she is there. However, never underestimate the importance of being clean and well-cared for and be grateful that your child feels safe and loved.
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I am the mother of two young boys and also work part-time outside of the home. As part of our involvement in the lives of our children and our family's involvement in our community, we take part in the organizations to which we belong. However, I am finding it very difficult to attend various committee meetings and fulfill my responsibilities to these committees while parenting my children and maintaining my responsibilities at my desk job. In a way, I suppose I'm trying to have or do it all, but there has to be a way to be an active participant in my children's school while maintaining my other responsibilities. Any suggestions?
Charity begins at home. If you feel pulled in too many directions, your first priority especially when your children are young should be your family. It's commendable to volunteer at organizations you feel strongly about, but if possible, kill two birds with one stone by finding things you can do with the kids to benefit the community, i.e., baking with your child for a bake sale. There are no awards or trophies for the mom who does the most, though there are internal awards for spending time with your kids and having a happy family.
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